Valentine’s Day is a good time to express appreciations to your partner. It can be easy to focus on the negative, what we don’t like and what we are critical about. So this is an appropriate day to remember and share what you are grateful for.
Take your time today to think about what’s positive in your relationship. You might want to focus on specific behaviors or attitudes that you want to thank your partner for. Then you can use the format below to express your appreciation to your partner. This is the Initiation and Appreciation form created by Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson from the Couple’s Institute in Palo Alto, CA.
It is a good idea to rehearse this outline before you share your appreciation with your partner:
1) When you (describe the behavior or attitude),
2) My positive thoughts about you are,
3) My positive emotions are,
4) The positive memories that get triggered in me are,
5) When I think and feel this way, I respond to you by (describe what you do),
6) Something I might do to help you (state the behavior or attitude) more often is,
I encourage you to try this exercise on Valentine’s Day. You might get such good results that you will want to share appreciations more often!
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