I thought I would start out by talking about communication. This is a big topic, so I’ll break it down into small pieces. Today I’m going to start with one tip on how to become a better listener. This may sound easy, but it is actually extremely hard to do.
Especially if you have an agenda in mind.
You might be saying to yourself, “Ah ha, I’ll tell him how it really happened,” “I can’t believe she feels that way!,” or, “I did not do (or say) that!”
Sound familiar? You could be perfectly quiet while your partner is talking away. But what is your mind doing? It’s very easy to get defensive; we all do it.
The challenge is to, yes, drop your agenda. No matter how angry you feel. Take some deep breaths, maybe count to 10, and tell yourself that your partner’s reaction is his or her responsibility. How we respond to each other is our choice, no matter how hurt or helpless we may feel.
Ask yourself if you can put your feelings, perspectives and opinions aside and be available for your partner. If not, it’s best to take a time out and wait until you are both ready for a conversation where you can listen to each other.
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