Have you ever noticed that after listening to your partner, you want to offer solutions or tell your side of the story? It can be really hard to hold yourself back. Yet this is the discipline that you want to develop.
One way to help you strengthen this ability is to recap.
When you recap, your focus stays on your partner. It’s a time for you to be sure that you understood what he said. Just repeating back the words you heard, without any interpretations or opinions, is one way to check on your listening skills. Or you may want to summarize what she said instead.
However you do it, you are not finished until your partner feels satisfied. Your partner needs to determine when you are finished recapping. And you may have to listen again and again before he says he feels heard. What’s most important is that you are showing your efforts at understanding and empathizing,
Recapping is also good to do if your partner emotionally escalates. If you repeat back what you heard her say, and she feels heard, she will likely calm down. And this will go a long way to restoring any bad feelings between you.
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