Another Hollywood divorce. I guess it’s not so surprising. What surprises me is that Tom Cruise was “blindsided” by it. What does that mean? It means that he had no clue Katie Holmes was unhappy, or at least unhappy enough to want a divorce. Which means that Katie didn’t share the extent of her discontent, her disillusionment, her disappointments, etc.
When they first got together, I remember reading an article in which Katie said that she and Tom will always be in their honeymoon phase. I remember thinking, right, just wait. It’s often after the honeymoon period is over and a couple’s differences get highlighted, that the problems begin.
According to Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, who specialize in couple’s therapy, many people can’t get through the differentiation stage, which follows the honeymoon. They either become aware of their differences and not say anything to avoid conflict, or they begin to argue over their differences and can’t come to any resolution. If a couple can’t get through this stage, then the relationship often breaks down, leading to break ups and divorces.
My hunch is that Katie didn’t express her dissatisfactions to avoid conflict, couldn’t stay in a marriage with that kind of tension, so filed for divorce. But honestly, I’ll never know what really happened. I’m only speculating from the outside. But from what I know from studying and doing couple’s therapy, this is likely at least part of the picture.
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